Repression
by hop-skip-n.a.-jump
Summary: Repression- Involuntary ejection of shameful emotions and memories from consciousness because they are too painful to bear; it may sometimes result in neurotic symptoms. The real world is contoured into something that is easier to deal with in Crona's mind.


**Hiya, just one chapter. I may make another and continue on, depending how many people are interested in this story. She/ Her pronouns but not very much romance is not to be expected in this fic. Possible Mature rating later if I do continue.**

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Things are not as they seem. The facts may be similar at times, but the actual events became contoured. It is becoming more difficult for me to figure out was is real and what isn't.  
I don't see myself as a compulsive liar. I'm not trying to add some sort of adventure to my world. Sometimes I just feel like my mind turns against me as it tries to help.

I have no problem with memory. At least I don't think I do.  
My mother tells me to stop worrying about foolish things. I can't help it, it's hard to deal with not knowing if your memories are even yours.  
Forgetfulness is not the issue. People tell me I have many issues, but I'm not sure what they mean.  
This is normal. The only life I have ever known. I live with my mother, just the two of us. I used to wonder why I didn't look more like her. Men would tell me how beautiful she was.  
Beauty is apparently something people highly value.

I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel ugly either. I don't feel much at all, actually.

It has always been my mother and I. It sounds lonely, but its not. Mother has many friends that come and go. She makes me meet them all. I don't want to.  
They always comment on me and make me feel weird. I would rather feel nothing.

'Why is your daughter so skinny?'  
'You'll never catch a man looking like that'  
'Why doesn't she look at me?'  
They'd ask.

These friends were bad people. I can only remember a few names.  
Eruka.  
Free.  
Asura.  
My aunt Arachina was very rarely among these undesirables.

I didn't know that they were bad people, no. Not until I started coming here, to Dr. Stein. I don't much care for Dr. Stein either.  
He makes me uncomfortable, just like the other men.

"It's good to see you again, Crona" he greeted, trying to ease my worry. I didn't look up or respond. I saw his arm motion for me to follow him again. It was our bi-weekly appointment. I had to come talk to him.  
Stein was never malicious toward me, I just didn't want to look at him because I didn't want to see the gears in his head again.

I stood up from my dingy waiting room chair and shuffled quickly past him toward his office. I knew the way, we had done this song and dance before.  
I can't remember exactly why I have to talk to this odd man. I know I said I don't have memory problems, but I swear its just that no one ever told me.

"Did you try any of the exercises we discussed last session?" he asked calmly, following behind me into his small office.  
I knew he was some sort of actual doctor here. Maybe he's qualified to ask me these mind questions. I don't really know. But I don't ask.

I don't answer him. I just sit back down.

His office was small, he had a comfy chair and I had a larger chair. The walls were scattered with papers and certificates of his academic achievements. He had a large bookshelf. I quickly tried to read all of the titles when his gaze shifted elsewhere.  
I heard him exhale slightly. He rarely got answers from me. I've only been coming here for about a month. My mother would soon come for me so I wasn't sure there was a point to talking to anyone here. Not for fear of what would happen to them, but what my mother would do to me for having loose lips.

"Are you still having...hallucinations?" he asked sternly, trying to get a reaction from me. I tried to control myself, but my eyes quickly flashed toward him and then back.  
I saw him write something down. 'Hallucinations'  
Those are his words, not mine.

Slowly I begin to notice small patterns forming on the walls of his office...they look like stitches.

"You're in a safe place Crona, your mother can't harm you here" his dull voice assured me. I finally looked over to him, noticing that the gear was back on the side of his head. Sometimes it was there and sometimes it wasn't. I hate this.

He noticed me staring at the space next to his head and quickly scribbled something down. He waved his hand near where I was looking to draw my attention. I finally met his gaze, feeling scared.

"I'd like to bring up some things about your past today, if thats okay with you?" he asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. I give him no expression.

He pulled a file out from the front of his clipboard that he had brought with him. I noticed some small pictures in it. He held one glossy photo out to offer it to me.

Eruka.

I slowly accepted it into my hands, knowing that he wouldn't drop his extended arm if I didn't. I looked at the picture, tracing her round face with my gaze. Eruka was one of my mothers friends. Or, she thought she was. Her large smile always reminded me of a frog.

"Do you remember her?" Stein asked. I gave a small nod.  
His eyebrows raised at the fact that I gave a response.

"What do you remember about her?" he pried. I looked away from the photo, relaxing my grip on it.

"She was always with my mother" I told him, still looking at the photo. He nodded, folding one leg over the other.

"So they were friends?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Why not?"

"Medusa hated her" I replied, using my mothers first name. It wasn't an odd thing for me to call my mother by her first name.

"Why is that?" he asked. I could tell he was digging, but these questions weren't anything I could get in trouble for...I think.

"Erika always got in the way. She's stupid, she can't do anything right." I added, quoting my mother.

"I see" Stein said, clicking his pen up to his chin.

"Was she ever there when your mother was gone?" he asked. I nodded. I spent a fair amount of time with the bossy frog girl.

Stein sat silent for a minute, perhaps waiting for me to elaborate. I didn't.

"Why was Eruka stupid?" he asked. I almost smirked. I forgot that Dr. Stein didn't actually know these people that he asked me about so frequently.

"Because she doesn't listen to Medusa. She thinks she can control me but she can't, she's the worst witch I've ever seen" I told him. He didn't nod, only stared at me. It made me shift in my seat uncomfortably.

"Did Erika have anyone that hung around her?" he asked. I nodded.

"Free"

"Free?" he asked, wondering if he heard me right.

"Yeah, that's his name" I confirmed. He wrote something again.

"Was Free...nice?" he asked. I scoffed. Did Dr. Stein think I was a child?

He could see my distaste for the question. I didn't feel like answering. He could see me beginning to drift out and I knew he didn't want to lose me. We were on a roll today.

"What kind of magic did your mother do?" he asked. Finally, a question that made sense. Everyone knew the answer to that, so I knew I wouldn't be in trouble for answering.

"Snake magic" I answered, nodding. He nodded, mirroring my movement.

"Did she ever use her...snake magic on others?" he asked. I heard the sound of disbelief in his voice. It didn't matter if he didn't believe me. I knew what my mother was capable of.

"Yeah" I answered. Stein looked at me, I could almost see pain in his eyes as if he wanted to ask me something more meaningful than these trivial questions.

"Did your mother...ever hurt you?" he asked. I froze.

I didn't expect him to change questions so quickly. We were supposed to stay in the safe zone of questioning. He knew that. Still it was no secret, Medusa was very proud of the methods she had for punishing me...  
I nodded, looking away from him. I think he already knew my answer to his question.

"Did she make you do things you may not have wanted to do?" he asked quietly. I could tell we were on the way to the questions he really wanted the answers to. I looked at him confused.

"Did you have to hurt anyone or do anything?" he tried again. I felt almost hollow as the air came in and out as I breathed.  
I don't feel ashamed. Medusa said things had to be done. It felt liberating when I was the one who was able to have power.

"Why do you think I'm not a witch?" I asked him, breaking his line of questioning. He was a little surprised by the sudden change.

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean" he asked, scratching his head through his grey hair. I didn't see his gear anymore.

"Medusas a witch, I think I should have been one too, right?" I asked, trying to clarify.

"You don't have to be what your mother was..."

"I know that. But she was never afraid" I added, trailing off and looking back to the floor.

Stien clicked his pen and wrote more on his clipboard. I'm not sure what information he was getting from me that he needed, but today he wrote more than I had ever seen him write in any of our other sessions.

"Has your mother...ever let other people hurt you?" he added. I could feel my face contort and I couldn't stop it. I hated his questions. How am I supposed to deal with them? Medusa never told me what to say when people asked me things like this.

If people asked where she was, I knew to lie.  
If she asked me to stay with her guests while she used her magic with another man, I knew what would happen.  
If I had disobeyed, I knew what the outcome would be.

With these stupid questions, I didn't know what Stein would do when he found an answer he did not like.

"What do you want from me?" I asked, trying to keep my voice dry. I could feel my face becoming hot with anger and my voice shaking as if my tone pleaded with him to stop questioning me.

"Nothing Crona, I just want to help you" he said, trying to soothe me. It wasn't going to work.  
"No...no...I don't think you do" I said, shaking my slowly and then violently as I gripped the sides of my head in my hands.

I could feel the pain in my back return. Ragnarok was becoming as angry as I was. Pain radiated from my heart to my head and then back to my spine as I began to whimper. Stein's room was now completely adorn with the stitching pattern and his white coat looked the same. I looked up at him as the anguish began to cause me to twist, his gear was back.

"My blood is black, I told him" my voice empty, as Ragnarok calmed before excruciating pain shot through me again, causing me to scream. Visions of my mother and my past flooded my vision as I squeezed my eyes shut.

Stein quickly reached into his pocket to fetch a small key to his desk. Opening it in seconds, he grabbed a syringe as I screamed and became more fearful of him and the sudden belief that he wanted to dissect me, as gently as he could he stabbed it into my neck. Instant relief washed over me as my heart slowed. I could feel small tears drip from my eyes as I fell under. Stein had never had to do this to me before. I don't blame him. I wouldn't know how to deal with me either.

****  
"Naigus?" Stein called out to the nurse. She approached quickly, having heard the commotion.

"She have a rough day today?" Naigus asked, grabbing a wheelchair as means to move the unconscious girl.

"No, she actually attempted to open up today" Stein informed. He couldn't provide details due to his confidentiality policy. He left his clipboard with his notes on his desk in his office as he help Naigus move Crona to her wheelchair to take her back to her room for safety. They would give her a break before her next session with Stein.  
He didn't believe she was a threat to the other students, but he could tell that she still wasn't fully aware.

His notes from the recent session and the last months read:

Patient: _Crona Gorgon Hallucinations, repression, deflection, and paranoia -Possible brain washing from the mother?_  
 _Physical, verbal, and possible sexual abuse._  
 _Alludes her mothers brothel as some sort of magic?_

 _Still believes I am a monster of some sort, actively looked for the gear again._  
 _-No sense of conscience._  
 _Seeks a higher form of power, to escape fear possibly_

 _Dislike of mothers friend Eurka, frog?_  
 _Finally have some progression, mainstream seems possible._  
 _Had to sedate when asked about mothers role in allowing other abuse -_

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 **Thanks for reading! Leave a review if you think it's worth continuing!**  
 **-.^**


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